DATING A CHRISTIAN SISTER – AGONIES OF A CHRISTIAN BACHELOR



I conceived the idea of writing this piece whilst I was in my bathroom and I knew immediately that I would come under some sharp criticism, especially from my numerous Christian sisters and some Christian brothers. Of course I also knew that some few brave Christian brothers would agree with me at the risk of being touted backslidden. Armed with this foreboding I proceeded to write this.

This piece is about the frustrating difficulties associated with dating or staying in a relationship with a Christian sister. The thesis is that it is frustratingly difficult to date a Christian sister and this explains why a lot of the Christian boys date and eventually marry the so-not-spiritual sisthren. Here "Christian sister" will be defined to capture the girls in the church who are so attached it and who are found at almost all church programmes doing one thing or the other. I must also state – before I am accused of generalizing – that this piece isn't the result of some huge scientific experiment but the result of some few years’ observation of others, stories from others as well as some of my own experiences.

The major reason relationships with Christian sisters become frustrating is that the Christian sisters are so busy they have no time for their partners. Let me explain this using a hypothetical sister named "W" and hypothetical brother named "A". Both persons work say in an establishment that closes at 4pm and both partners live on their own. They both go to work and there's little communication because it is working hours. Both come home around 5pm and latest by 6pm on a Monday night sister W is in church for choir practice which closes at 9pm. When she's done there, she comes home to eat and is ready to sleep around 10:30pm and that is the time she wearily calls or answers brother A's phone calls. She talks for some few minutes and she is already asleep. Tuesday, the same routine only that she attends a prayer meeting; Wednesday mid-week service; Thursday group meeting; Friday choir practice cum all-night prayers; Saturday choir practice; and Sunday bible studies. If she's at work during the weekdays and busy with her household stuff on the weekends and her nights are so fully occupied like this, what time does she give to her relationship with brother A? She has absolutely no time for brother A when she knows full well that Jesus isn’t her boyfriend.

Again, majority of these Christian sisters have no proper, modern dress sense. Their dress sense is absolutely warped or non-existent. I am not saying Christian sisters should dress like prostitutes. I am only saying they should dress modernly, nicely and decently, and stop looking like the tattered housemaids living in the middle ages. I am not advocating wearing mini and micro-mini skirts, but I am also of the view that if Christian brothers wanted to see long flowing shapeless and faded garments, we would per chance try a nunnery. It's high time these Christian sisters got their dress sense back to the 21st century. After all, wearing long flowing shapeless garbs doesn’t make you any more a Christian than you already are.  It's difficult dating or staying in a relationship with a girl who looks like a maid living in a 13th century home.

Also, the Christian sisters lack spontaneity. They are so monotonous and their relationships are as boring as can be. They do not give any surprises but stick to the same boring routine. They quote the bible so many times it’s as if they are incapable of any other conversation. It's always "Good morning, have u done ur quiet time yet?" or "Good nyt, dont forget to pray. The Lord is at hand". They never use any endearments, and when these endearments are used, they are so drained of emotion they look like clay statues, lifeless. When the brother uses these endearments and says "Darling u must look sexy today" or "How is my pretty queen doing?” he is quickly rebuked and reminded of how he's backsliding. This one seems far-fetched right? That is the story of one of my guys.

I know the Christian sisters will say the real issue is that the brothers demand sex which they do not give. And this is exactly the problem with the sisters; that they do not recognize that they have far bigger threats to their relationships than sex. They simply do not recognize they have problems! This is what makes the brothers go in for the not-so-spiritual girls in the church. We simply cannot be together if the brothers have to always compete with church for your time. I am also not insinuating the sisters cast their Christianity overboard, I’m simply saying if you enter into a relationship and you want it to last, then my dear Christian sister PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!

Sometimes I think that God should allow into heaven any young Christian brother who successfully dates and marries a Christian sister; he would have surmounted a lot of frustrating difficulties, even the angels will be proud.

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