THE BIBLE MUST BE REWRITTEN!

Dear God,

I know you have received a plethora of letters and telephone calls from many different people, and you must be bored since most of them are just to create fun. My letter is of the more serious variety. I know you already know what I want to say but I'll repeat it for all to hear. The Bible must be rewritten!

 

Father, I submit that the Bible must be rewritten because it has outlived its days (of course you know I can't say usefulness). You see, even though you created this world, and you have been there from the beginning, you do not live in this world with us. A lot of things have changed since the days of Adam and Abraham thems. Thus if we pick the Bible now, we must change some things to suit the "modern" age. For example, books like Deuteronomy, Leviticus and Numbers are no longer relevant. People who oppose Christianity say that it is filled with hate speech, and they actually quote portions (Leviticus 20:13, Deuteronomy 13:1-5) of those books to support their assertion. God, you know that even a lot of Christians do not like to read those books because it is long and boring to read, and difficult to understand. Besides the 10 Commandments are written down in Exodus so if we delete those three books, abi we haven't lost anything, or?

 

Also, I submit that you should add a new book to the Bible. It should be called the book of DIVINE REVELATIONS AND AKWANKYER3. This shall be limited to the Ghanaian versions of the new Bible. Father, you know that these days the young Ghanaian Christian has thrown away her Bible (the women go to church waa) and embraced so-called “divine revelations” and what they have fashionably termed “Near Death Experiences” or NDEs. Even some of the men you have ordained or who claim you ordained them, preach using such "divine revelations". The issue is that these divine revelations are often so contrary to what the Bible has said. Once I heard a pastor preach to his flock using that Zambrano girl’s divine revelation instead of the Bible. He was teaching his flock from that thing that our good deeds buy us land in heaven to build mansions there, and that there are people in heaven who live in crowded community homes that have been built there. But I remember Jesus Christ saying that in your house there are many mansions, and if it were not so he would not have said. So if there are mansions, why should our good deeds buy us land to build? One other person told me that there was a divine revelation in which you said anybody who commits fornication is sleeping with you. I was shocked because I know you said anybody who commits fornication is sinning against his own body. Father, in Ghana dierr akwankyer3 nkoaa ooo. Every tom, dick, harry and abena Christian is now going after akwankyer3, doing all sorts of absurd things in the name of directions or akwankyer3 from you. This is why I seek that the Bible be rewritten to suit our current "modern" trends.

 

There is one other reason why I seek that the Bible be rewritten. It is something that a lot of us young Christians would be happy to see. Father, you know the Bible speaks against fornication and all sorts of sexual immorality. But Father, now we your so-called sons and daughters are caught in it. We are mired in its dirty depths, so mired that it is becoming secretly fashionable among us. A lot of us who are in relationships, often become pregnant before we walk down the aisle, or are pregnant as we walk down the aisle. A lot of us guys now want license to masturbate, because we say it prevents us from getting into fornication. Father, I know you know that I know what I'm talking because nothing is hidden from you. Therefore I would like you to add a caveat to the portion about us not fornicating or engaging in sexual immorality. I ask that you allow us to fornicate only when we know that we will surely be married to our partner, or when we have only one girl or boyfriend. Allow us to masturbate only if it saves us from fornication. What better way to grant us this than implanting it into the Bible?

 

Abba Father, I only ask that the Bible becomes more liberal to accommodate our modern tastes. Please for the sake of human rights – which has replaced the Holy Spirit since Jesus left this world – we seek that you liberalize the Bible. We know you are a loving God, so please allow us to use the Bible as we wish but still claim to find forgiveness in you. After all, it is now more fashionable to say you are homosexual than to say you are Christian. The world is seeing us Christians as backward people, and us young Christians want to feel accepted by the world. Please note that we are not conforming, we just want acceptance from the world. Please rewrite the Bible for us to suit our modern times.

 

Father I want to sign out. But before that I want to give a big shout-outs to man like Angel Gabriel, man like Angel Michael, man like Moses and the other mandem.

 

Please we await your coming, not with joy but with sadness that this sweet world would be ending. But we have resigned ourselves to it. We await your coming.

 

I remain your son, who rebels and leads rebellions,

Harrison.